Knight in shining armour dissed by a dragon
I’ll seer yr bacon, and raise you a stink and a hay. A bona dea keeps the anchor awake. Yes we have no null modems. I’d like you to meet my niche. Suckle me choppers at Pa’s moll and pick a peck of pox malt, apocryphal of rye. Ask me no algebra and I tell you no lie. No stone’ll be unturned, nor thrown out at first. Singasing of Sack’s pence, fractal Jack in the pluton green, and yet those cratons keep rolling along.
Li’l Abner drooling for Daisy May’s ham
Head cheese or brawn is a cold cut that originated in Europe and should have stayed there. A version pickled with vinegar is known as souse. Head cheese is not a cheese but a terrine or meat jelly made with flesh from the head of a calf or pig (sometimes a sheep or cow), and often set in aspic. The parts of the head used varies, but the brain, eyes, and ears are usually removed. The tongue, and sometimes even the feet and heart, may be included.
Method of curing hams and Puteolan ofella [Supposed to be the same as the offulae carnis, lumps of salted pork, mentioned by Columella (XII, 55, 4)]. You should salt hams in the following manner, in a jar or large pot: When you have bought the hams cut off the hocks. Allow a half-modius of ground Roman salt to each ham. Spread salt on the bottom of the jar or pot; then lay a ham, with the skin facing downwards, and cover the whole with salt. Place another ham over it and cover in the same way, taking care that meat does not touch meat. Continue in the same way until all are covered. When you have arranged them all, spread salt above so that the meat shall not show, and level the whole. When they have remained five days in the salt remove them all with their own salt. Place at the bottom those which had been on top before, covering and arranging them as before. Twelve days later take them out finally, brush off all the salt, and hang them for two days in a draught. On the third day clean them thoroughly with a sponge and rub with oil. Hang them in smoke for two days, and the third day take them down, rub with a mixture of oil and vinegar, and hang in the meat-house. No moths or worms will touch them.
— Cato the Elder (234 BC – 149 BC), De Agri Cultura
By Gertrude Bacon 1905
The Authoress, her Father, and Mr. Spencer making an Ascent.
Such strength a man has never possessed, or can ever hope to; but even as it is, by long practice and great effort, men have succeeded at different times, not exactly in flying, but in helping themselves along considerably by means of wings. A man is said to have flown in this way in Rome in the days of Nero. A monk in the Middle Ages, named Elmerus, it is stated, flew about a furlong from the top of a tower in Spain, another from St. Mark’s steeple in Venice, and another from Nuremburg. 13 But the most successful attempt ever made in this direction was accomplished about 200 years ago by a French locksmith of the name of Besnier. He had made for himself a pair of light wooden oars, shaped like the double paddle of a canoe, with cup-like blades at either end. These he placed over his shoulders, and attached also to his feet, and then casting himself off from some high place, and violently working his arms and legs so as to buffet the air downwards with his paddles, he was able to raise himself by short stages from one height to another, or skim lightly over a field or river. It is said that subsequently Besnier sold his oars to a mountebank, who performed most successfully with them at fairs and festivals.
War hero receives medal of honor for sending cruise missile against cave men. “The launch button was stuck so I hit it with a hammer,” he recalls. “You know how dangerous that is? More dangerous than running with scissors.”
The Taliban say they have recovered 160 mutilated bodies from Kadam village after it was completely destroyed by US bombs on Wednesday night. The United States has expressed regret for the loss of any innocent lives, but president Clinton stressed that them’s the breaks.
The news was embargoed because of the anthrax scare had halted U.S.-bound traffic for about four hours yesterday evening on the Queenston-Lewiston Bridge. The Niagara County Sheriff’s Department said an unidentified substance was spotted on a carpet outside the U.S. Customs building at the bridge.
An envelope from Florida, which forced the evacuation of a building, contained nothing but documents, police said yesterday. The 15-storey office building was evacuated earlier this week after workers at Globe International Inc. called police when the envelope arrived from American Media Inc.
President Clinton said that the CIA would start to spread a mild dose of anthrax in an effort to kill all snail mail.