Stink and a hay

Knight in shining armour dissed by a dragon

Knight in shining armour dissed by a dragon

I’ll seer yr bacon, and raise you a stink and a hay. A bona dea keeps the anchor awake. Yes we have no null modems. I’d like you to meet my niche. Suckle me choppers at Pa’s moll and pick a peck of pox malt, apocryphal of rye. Ask me no algebra and I tell you no lie. No stone’ll be unturned, nor thrown out at first. Singasing of Sack’s pence, fractal Jack in the pluton green, and yet those cratons keep rolling along.


Head cheese

Li'l Abner drooling for Daisy May's ham

Li’l Abner drooling for Daisy May’s ham

Head cheese or brawn is a cold cut that originated in Europe and should have stayed there. A version pickled with vinegar is known as souse. Head cheese is not a cheese but a terrine or meat jelly made with flesh from the head of a calf or pig (sometimes a sheep or cow), and often set in aspic. The parts of the head used varies, but the brain, eyes, and ears are usually removed. The tongue, and sometimes even the feet and heart, may be included.

Take an egg and smite it with a fiery sword

Big sister flies in to save little brother from Fother Thomas

Big sister flies in to save little brother from Fother Thomas.

Accipe ovum & igneo percute gladio.

Epigram 8


There are many & diverse kinds of Birds whose number is uncertain & their Names unknown to Us. Story tells us of a very great Bird named Ruc, that appears at certain seasons of the Year in a small Island of the Ocean, which can bear an Elephant up with it into the Air. India & America send us Crows & Parrots of diverse Colors. But it is not the Philosophical intention to enquire after the Eggs of these birds. The AEgyptians yearly persecute the Crocodiles’ Eggs with weapons of Iron & destroy them. The Philosophers do indeed smite their Eggs with fire, but it is not with an intent to mortify it, but that it may live & grow up. For, seeing that an animate & living chicken is thence produced, it cannot be said to be Corruption, but generation. It ceases to be an Egg by the privation of the Oval form, & begins to be a two-footed & volatile Animal by the introduction of a more noble Form, for in the Egg are the seeds of both male & female joined together under one Shell or Cover.

The Yolk constitutes the Chicken with its radical parts & Bowels, the seed of the male forming it & becoming the internal Efficient, whereas the White… [**”Albumen materiam seu subtegmen & incrementum dat rudimento seu stamini pulli.”] The external heat is the first mover which by a certain Circulation of the Elements & change of one into the other, introduces a new form by the instinct & guidance of Nature. For Water passes into Air, Air into Fire, Fire into Earth, which being joined together, & a specific being transmitted by the stars, an individual Bird is made of that kind whose Egg it was & whose seed was infused into it. This is said to be smitten with a fiery sword when Vulcan performing the office of a Midwife as he did to Pallas coming from the brain of Jupiter, does by his ax make a passage for the newborn Chicken. This is what Basil Valentine affirms, that Mercury was imprisoned by Vulcan at the command of Mars, & could not be released before he was wholly purified & dead. But this death is to him the beginning of a New life, as the Corruption or death of the Egg brings new generation & life to the Chicken.

So an Embryo being freed from that human vegetable life which alone it enjoyed in the Mother’s womb, obtains another, more perfect one, by his birth & coming into the light of the world. So when we shall pass from this present life, there remains for us another that is most perfect & Eternal. Lully in many places calls this fiery sword a sharp Lance, because fire as a Lance or sharp sword perforates bodies & makes them porous & pervious [?], so that they may be penetrated by waters & be dissolved & being reduced from hardness become soft & Tractable. In the Stomach of a Cormorant, which is the most voracious of all Birds, there are found long & round worms which serve it as the instruments of Heat, & as we have sometimes observed, seize upon those Eels & other fish which she has swallowed & Pierce them like sharp needles, & so consume them in a short time by a wonderful operation of Nature. As, therefore, Heat pierces, so that which pierces will sometimes supply the absence of Heat. Upon which Consideration, that wherewith the Philosophical Egg ought to be smitten may not undeservedly be called a fiery sword.

But the Philosophers had rather have it understood of Temperate Heat, whereby the Egg is cherished, as Morfoleus in Turba declares: ‘It is necessary [that a] wise man’s moisture be burned up with a slow fire, as is shown us in the Example of the generation of a Chicken, & where the fire is increased, the Vessel must be stopped on all sides, that the body of the Air (or brass)[‘aeris’ in original] & the fugitive spirit of it may not be extracted.’ But what Bird’s Egg must it be? Moscus tells us in the same place: ‘Now I say that no instruments are made except of our white starry splendid powder, & of the white Stone, of which powder are made fit instruments for the Egg. But they have not named the Egg, nor what Bird’s Egg it must be.’



Moth-proofing Ham

Method of curing hams and Puteolan ofella [Supposed to be the same as the offulae carnis, lumps of salted pork, mentioned by Columella (XII, 55, 4)]. You should salt hams in the following manner, in a jar or large pot: When you have bought the hams cut off the hocks. Allow a half-modius of ground Roman salt to each ham. Spread salt on the bottom of the jar or pot; then lay a ham, with the skin facing downwards, and cover the whole with salt. Place another ham over it and cover in the same way, taking care that meat does not touch meat. Continue in the same way until all are covered. When you have arranged them all, spread salt above so that the meat shall not show, and level the whole. When they have remained five days in the salt remove them all with their own salt. Place at the bottom those which had been on top before, covering and arranging them as before. Twelve days later take them out finally, brush off all the salt, and hang them for two days in a draught. On the third day clean them thoroughly with a sponge and rub with oil. Hang them in smoke for two days, and the third day take them down, rub with a mixture of oil and vinegar, and hang in the meat-house. No moths or worms will touch them.

— Cato the Elder (234 BC – 149 BC), De Agri Cultura

Balloons, Airships, and Flying Machines

By Gertrude Bacon 1905

The Authoress, her Father, and Mr. Spencer making an Ascent.

Such strength a man has never possessed, or can ever hope to; but even as it is, by long practice and great effort, men have succeeded at different times, not exactly in flying, but in helping themselves along considerably by means of wings. A man is said to have flown in this way in Rome in the days of Nero. A monk in the Middle Ages, named Elmerus, it is stated, flew about a furlong from the top of a tower in Spain, another from St. Mark’s steeple in Venice, and another from Nuremburg. 13 But the most successful attempt ever made in this direction was accomplished about 200 years ago by a French locksmith of the name of Besnier. He had made for himself a pair of light wooden oars, shaped like the double paddle of a canoe, with cup-like blades at either end. These he placed over his shoulders, and attached also to his feet, and then casting himself off from some high place, and violently working his arms and legs so as to buffet the air downwards with his paddles, he was able to raise himself by short stages from one height to another, or skim lightly over a field or river. It is said that subsequently Besnier sold his oars to a mountebank, who performed most successfully with them at fairs and festivals.

Ham in the Bible

Ivan Ksenofontov. The damnation of Ham

Ivan Ksenofontov. The damnation of Ham

Genesis 5:32 indicates that Noah became the father of Shem, Ham and Japheth from the age of 500 years old, but does not list in detail their specific years. (Noah was 600 years old at the time of the flood in Genesis 7.) An incident involving Ham is related in Genesis 9:20-27.

20And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:

21 And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. 22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. 23 And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father’s nakedness.

24 ¶ And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. 25 And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. 26 And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.

27 God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
Authorized King James Version

War hero receives medal of honor

War hero receives medal of honor for sending cruise missile against cave men. “The launch button was stuck so I hit it with a hammer,” he recalls. “You know how dangerous that is? More dangerous than running with scissors.”

The Taliban say they have recovered 160 mutilated bodies from Kadam village after it was completely destroyed by US bombs on Wednesday night. The United States has expressed regret for the loss of any innocent lives, but president Clinton stressed that them’s the breaks.

The news was embargoed because of the anthrax scare had halted U.S.-bound traffic for about four hours yesterday evening on the Queenston-Lewiston Bridge. The Niagara County Sheriff’s Department said an unidentified substance was spotted on a carpet outside the U.S. Customs building at the bridge.

An envelope from Florida, which forced the evacuation of a building, contained nothing but documents, police said yesterday. The 15-storey office building was evacuated earlier this week after workers at Globe International Inc. called police when the envelope arrived from American Media Inc.

President Clinton said that the CIA would start to spread a mild dose of anthrax in an effort to kill all snail mail.


Gordon Bacon of Pulse Canada

Pulses are annual leguminous crops yielding between one and 12 grains or seeds of variable size, shape and colour within a pod, used for both food and feed.  The term “pulses” is limited to crops harvested solely for dry grain, thereby excluding crops harvested green for food, which are classified as vegetable crops, as well as those crops used mainly for oil extraction and leguminous crops that are used exclusively for sowing purposes.

Gordon Bacon of Pulse Canada attended the ceremony held at the FAO headquarters in Rome. Pulse exports from Canada account for slightly more than one third of global pulse trade. Canada is the world’s largest producer and exporter of dry peas and lentils, shipping to more than 150 countries around the world each year. In 2014, Canadian pulse exports were valued at over $3 billion CDN. Canada’s biggest export markets are India, China and Turkey. Pulses are Canada’s fifth largest crop, after wheat, canola, corn and barley.

“Canadian pulses can make a significant contribution toward helping the UN implement its 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development, which aims to eliminate global poverty and malnourishment,” said Lee Moats, a lentil grower from Riceton, Saskatchewan.