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War hero receives medal of honor

War hero receives medal of honor for sending cruise missile against cave men. “The launch button was stuck so I hit it with a hammer,” he recalls. “You know how dangerous that is? More dangerous than running with scissors.”

The Taliban say they have recovered 160 mutilated bodies from Kadam village after it was completely destroyed by US bombs on Wednesday night. The United States has expressed regret for the loss of any innocent lives, but president Clinton stressed that them’s the breaks.

The news was embargoed because of the anthrax scare had halted U.S.-bound traffic for about four hours yesterday evening on the Queenston-Lewiston Bridge. The Niagara County Sheriff’s Department said an unidentified substance was spotted on a carpet outside the U.S. Customs building at the bridge.

An envelope from Florida, which forced the evacuation of a building, contained nothing but documents, police said yesterday. The 15-storey office building was evacuated earlier this week after workers at Globe International Inc. called police when the envelope arrived from American Media Inc.

President Clinton said that the CIA would start to spread a mild dose of anthrax in an effort to kill all snail mail.

 

The broken pole

A few years ago during the Olympics, a skier from just down the road broke her pole during a race. The coach from Norway, a rival team, handed her a new pole, and she went on to win the race.

In appreciation the people of Canada sent the coach a shipload of maple syrup. The import duty was so high that he had to sell his house, and he now lives under a bridge near the Trollheim tunnel, feeding his family on pancakes.